8/11/2007 noone but me from URL @ 11:47 PM today was aShitday. but don't bother, cos
like seriously, im not even asking for a happy family anymore, just a normal one. at the least, a family. dad leads own life, mom leads on life, kids live -like that. is that too much to ask for? yeah, every family has problems, but. to this extent? i feel like exploding holding it in & yet i dont know how to let it out. why cant things be simple. shallow, detached, whatever. why complicate things. like 2 lives& 2 families aren't enough. some days i really just want to pack up and leave. other days i feel like taking a knife and stabbing. or just running till i drop dead. maybe that would spare them the burden.
i just hate crying not knowing how to move on. i hate seeing people hurt & not knowing what to do. i hate this game im playing called life. no, i hate what the other players are doing in my game. & i hate myself for feeling this way. i hate it that no one understands. i hate being alone. i wonder what friends are for.
no, im not gna let you in on what im talking about. not now, not ever, not you. though i wish i could. you wouldnt understand but i never intended for you to. but i just wonder, why. & no one can answer that why, so why bother with you. you.
how did they even get married in the first place. it seems like im a mistake child. they were never meant to be. if one things was ever intended, it was for them to be kept apart.
i'll muster up the courage for a smile, so the world wont feel too bad. DAMMITIWANTTOSCREAMTILLMYLUNGSEXPLODEANDIDIE.ITSTHISPAINTHATREALLYMAKESMYHEARTACHE.THATMAKESMECRYANDCRYLIKETMRWILLNVERCOME. ITSTHISFAMILYTHATSSCREWINGMEUP.DAMN.IT. and im gna cry again.